Emotionally Involved
by Mia Desiree
Summary: Elaine learns her lesson when Dean died, never listen to her heart anymore. When later Dean is miraculously revived and brings the threat of apocalypse with him, the last thing she expects is having an angel who insists on keeping her safe even when she refuses him to. How can she not fall in love with him? Heaven and Hell be damned. Castiel/OC
1. All Lives Must End All Hearts Are Broken

**_EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED  
_**

**_by Mia Desiree_**

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**Author's Note:**

Welcome! I posted this story few months ago but my stories got accidentally deleted and when I realized it, they're already gone from the recovery. Moreover I also lost my laptop along with all chapters I've written. But here we are again. The story might start as Dean/OC but rest assured she will end up with Castiel. It will follow closely to the cannon story line but there will be changes because of her presence. Some episodes might not be covered in here or just mentioned in passing.

Disclaimer: Supernatural and its associated characters is sadly not mine.

I do hope you enjoy the story. Please read and review. I'd loved to hear your opinion. It really motivates me to keep writing.

Happy reading!

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**_All Lives Must End, All Hearts Are Broken_**

Death was not a strange matter for Elaine. Not a day had gone by without soaking her hands with blood of the monsters she killed and the victim she failed to save. After all she had been a hunter for a very long time. She had survived the death of her close fellow hunters, her best friends. There were griefs but it was always brief. It passed away so quickly that it never bothered her or clouded her judgement during hunting. Naturally she thought she could handle it. She had witnessed the outcome of people who made a deal with demons, knowing what the inevitable would be.

Then Dean died and everything changed.

She should have predicted this situation long before, right when she first heard of the news. Dean, after all, was different than the people she had lost before. He was the one existence she could never be able to run away from─ the only one that could distract her from anything. From the first time she met him until his imminent death─ no matter what he had done, how he hurt her until the end─ Dean always occupied a large portion of her heart. He was her first love, her only weakness. It was a common knowledge among hunters and monsters: no one messed up with Dean Winchester in front of Elaine Corbett. Hell, that was the only reason why John Winchester didn't try to kill her when he found out about her 'connection' with demons. He knew she would do anything to save Dean and that was enough for John. Too bad Dean was the only one who didn't realize it.

Not that there was something official between them. She could count days when they were actually spending time together properly. No case, no secret questioning. Just them enjoying a break off of hunting life. After all Dean Winchester didn't do relationship. It was more of a string of convenient hook ups, starting with the night of 'house warming party' they set up to eliminate suspects of their case. Their cover as newlyweds on the day compelled them to properly christen their new master bedroom later that night. Oh she could still remember how awkward it was on the next morning where they agreed not to speak of it again even if it was the best sex they both had.

They did it again after they found and killed the shape shifter.

And again when they accidentally run into each other again, tailing after the same case, a week after that. They were arguing on who deserved to get the case and it ended up with them having sex on the back of his Impala.

That was how it was between them. In a twisted way, yes they did have a relationship. There were nights when they only cuddled in bed, told each other about their latest hunts. If she was lucky, Dean would start talking about his family. Sometimes it astound her how the ruthless, aggressive hunter like Dean Winchester who had obvious distaste against 'chick-flick moment' was able to give her comfort and peace while being held on his arm. But she never voiced it out loud to him. He would shoot out of the door faster than lightning if she did that. There was no commitment between them but they knew not to flirt with other people when the other was around. Jealousy was never a good thing for them to come up during their hunting. They fought, made love, went out on a date, and even celebrated Christmas and New Year together.

Those were the best memories for her, something to hold on every day─ even after they got into a huge fight and ended up not talking to each other for two years─ but now she would give out _everything_ just to erase those memories. Anything to stop those nightmares from attacking her nights. She couldn't sleep without thinking what Dean had to endure in Hell, things that could destroy a human soul and transformed them into a demon, and no one held the power to save a human soul from Hell. No demon would crazy enough to let a soul escaped Hell, especially the Winchesters.

Even the possible scenarios to reunite with Dean sounded far too stretched. The chance to find Dean herself in Hell when her time came was slim to none. There were demons in there out for her blood, gleeful to have a chance to torture her, and too many souls resided in Hell. Even when she had eternity in Hell to find Dean, she highly doubted she could sneak around as she wishes. Waiting for Dean's soul transformed into a demon and was let out of Hell was impossible. It took years─ hundred even─ for a human soul to mutate. She would be dead by then.

What once part of her life she treasured most had turned into something that haunted her forever.

* * *

The first time she heard about Dean's contract was a day after the Devil's Gate opened. She barely had time to rest when black smokes appeared on the sky that night. Then chaos came. No one knew what caused this─ how there could be thousands of demons appeared out of nowhere and began to openly possessed or killed humans. Everyone demanded an explanation but neither her or Bobby could tell the truth. They couldn't just tell the others how the Winchesters were there and failed to stop it or why they were there in the first place. Someone could get a wrong message from it and decided to blame Sam instead. The last thing they needed was a fraction between hunters on who was to blame when there were massacres happening around them.

Not that they had time to fight with each other. Those demons were different compared to before. They were more adapt on fighting, heavily informed about hunters, not to mention cockier and more annoying to deal with. If previously they were more of an individualist, these demons tended to attack in group. Even with her demon blade, Elaine had to admit that she still had trouble finishing them off. At least she didn't have to hunt them down by herself. If there was one thing she was glad on what she had been doing, it was that she had enough blackmails or debts to be collected at dire times. Enough incentive for the hunters to make sure she got a fresh trail on demons who might know about Azazel's plan.

The sooner she learned everything, the sooner they could prepare for it and keep Sam out of gunfire. She was partially at fault for this as well. Had she not been too afraid of Dean's reaction when they reunited, she could have given them more chance to stop Jake and Azazel. If she were there, maybe there wouldn't be an army of demons walking down the earth and Sam wouldn't walk around with bull's eyes on his back. Bobby was quite cautious on looping her in, mainly because he knew there was problems between Dean and her, but he was very aware how valuable her connections could be. After all two heads were better than one.

_"I need a moment alone with the demon," she immediately said while stepping into the room, halting the interrogation. The hunters had been trying to intimidate their prisoner with holy water and exorcism, but he didn't budge at all. Instead he was grinning and enjoying the show. Holy water was painful but it wouldn't fatally hurt him and exorcism only imprisoned him in Hell for a bit. With so many demons walk freely on Earth, it was easy to summon another demon in here. In the end, all these threats the hunters sending out to him were useless. There was nothing they could do to scare him and even they came to realize it now._

_"He won't budge, even under you, Corbett."_

_Elaine glanced at their prisoner whose eyes lit up in recognition when the hunter called her name, before turning to face the hunter who just spoke to her. "Just because you have more years on experience, O'Donnell, doesn't mean I'm not better than you. Who did you always call when you're stuck, hm?" She watched as he struggled not to say anything because both of them knew how true it was. He grudgingly stepped away from the smirking demon and signaled his team members to do the same. "Now leave me alone. I'll get what you need to know." It wasn't hard to notice suspicious look the other hunters threw at her when they walked out. She used to receive it most of the time. No one ever trusted an informant. Especially when they had no idea where she obtained all those information. It hurt sometimes, but for all things she gained from that, she chose to ignore that. After all her connection was the one that saved their asses sometimes._

_"The famous Elaine Corbett," the demon drawled. "Am I supposed to be scared now?"_

_"Oh you can choose not to," she pulled out an engraved blade from inside her jacket. "but I suppose you might recognize this." she added when she noticed the narrowed look from him. "You demons had been trying to hide these weapons away from hunters for centuries, I heard."_

_The demon growled. Gone was the pretense smirk on his face. "You lied!" he snarled. That woman might be well known among his kind for various reason─ he had heard whispers of how she managed to snag important knowledge about demons in exchange of almost nothing. Surely his fellow demon wouldn't be so stupid to let her have that weapon. Those things were heavily guarded down there and only few could enter the treasury as they pleased. He didn't believe any of those few willingly gave it to her. She must be bluffing. That blade- no matter how strikingly familiar it was- couldn't be an original._

_"Am I?"_

_She twirled the blade before slashing at his shoulder, causing him to scream in pain. He didn't need to look at his wound to find sparks of his demonic energy there. Fuck. How did that weapon ended up in her hand, of all people? And why didn't he hear of this before? He glared at her, while trying to control his breathing. With that weapon on her hand, the game had changed tide. If he made a wrong move, he would lose the upper hand and possibly his own life. He had to think quickly, how to make her hesitate on killing him. The other hunters seemed to be clueless on why demons suddenly roamed freely on earth, but he doubt so did she. If she was also clueless, she wouldn't send other hunters away. No, she knew what happened but there was something she wanted to know. Something that she was afraid to let others to know. _

_"Who lead you now?"_

_He stared at her, disbelief on what she said, and then snorted. "Are you that clueless?" He asked, sneering. "What makes you think we have a leader?"_

_"Maybe because I know Azazel is the one behind this scheme and the Winchesters already killed him. He planned to raise a demon army, for whatever reason, and I know his golden child refused to take over his responsibility. So who is your general now? Is it Lilith? Is she going to continue what Azazel planned?"_

_His expression morphed into a scowl, hearing the name of the first demon. "How did you know about her?" _

_Elaine sighed. "When did you demons ever learn? I always know everything." She circled the demon around before settling down behind him and pressed the blade on his neck. "I'm really cranky lately so I advise you: don't play games with me right now. One stupid move, one wrong answer," she leaned to him and whispered lowly, "and you're a dead demon. Who. Is. Your. Leader?"_

_He hissed in pain when she pressed her blade closer, drawing blood slightly. "And even if you know who our leader is, if there is one, do you think you can save him?" he snapped, "there's nothing on Earth that could save him from his fate. Dean Winchester is already a dead man walking!"_

_"What?" Her blood ran cold hearing his name mentioned. Her grip on the blade slightly faltered but she managed to keep it steady. Why did the demon associate Dean with death? Did something happen to him? Bobby didn't even mention something wrong with Dean on their last call. "What did you just say?"_

_His eyes widened in horrid realization. Stupid, idiot! What had he done? If there was one thing demons learned quickly from Elaine Corbett was that no one ever mentioned Dean Winchester in front of her. Not if you wanted to die. Dean Winchester might be her only weakness, but threatened her with him, and you guaranteed a painful death from her. And he just had to mention about that, hadn't he? Of all things he could goad her from, he used that. The demon shut his eyes, resigned to his fate, when he realized nothing happened. That was weird. He should be dead by now, unless_─_ his smirked returned and posture straightened. She had no idea what happened to Dean Winchester few days ago. He found it, he secured his safety... for now. With this she wouldn't kill him easily. No, she would keep him alive while confirming the information and he could use the time to plan out his escape. The other hunters were not as dangerous as she was. Neither of them possessed the demon blade, which should be easy to manipulate them. _

_"How about that? There's something Elaine Corbett doesn't know. I bet_─_" He screamed out in pain loudly when Elaine stabbed him on his stomach. "You fucking bitch!"_

_"Don't even think you can play yourself out of this. I told you I'm not in the mood to play games right now. What the hell did you just say about Dean Winchester?" When he hesitated for few seconds, Elaine stabbed him again on his knee, eliciting another scream of pain from him. "What did you do to him?!"_

_"He made a deal, okay?! He made a fucking deal to bring back Sam Winchester from death! He will die in a year and there's nothing you can do to save him!"_

_Her eyes widened in shock. Elaine could feel her insides turned cold and her heart clenched painfully as she heard his answer. What did he just say? Dean did what? That couldn't be true. How did it─ no, the demon must be lying. Dean couldn't have only a year to live. This was just a trick to distract her and buy more time to save himself. She glanced at the demon who started to regain his composure. For a small fry demon, he sure knew a lot about her. But then he should have known not to threaten Dean in front of her, not if he didn't want to get killed. He wouldn't lie about it. He did seem shock at himself for blurting out earlier. She still remembered his pale expression matched with hers just as he mentioned Dean's name. _

_But… if he really was telling the truth then… then why didn't Bobby tell her before? He had many chances to tell her without Dean knowing. He, of all people, know about her and Dean, how she always kept a track on Dean. Why did he keep it away from her? Did he think she couldn't handle the news? __"Who hold his contract?" Her voice trembled slightly mixed with anger and fear._

_This time she didn't need to use her blade again because he quickly answered, "I don't know! I swear! But I think it's Lilith! She has the King of Crossroads as her right hand man! That's all I know!" He heaved out a relieved sigh when Elaine seemed to believe him and took a step away from him again. Just when he started to calm down and gained confidence on his plan, the female hunter spun around quickly and plunged her blade right into his heart._

_Elaine stared down the demon corpse coldly before stalking out of the room and the bunker. She ignored the other hunters' enraged shouting when they found out she killed their hostage, and frantically dialed down Bobby's number. "Tell me it isn't true," she begged right after the line connected. "Tell me Dean is fine and the demon is just baiting on me," she stopped him in the middle of his babbling. The similar pain on her gut she felt earlier when the demon spoke of Dean's deal returned again when there was only silence from the other side. It was really the truth. The demon didn't lie to her. Dean was really going to die. A sob escaped her lips as she spoke again, "tell me everything. What the hell happened, Bobby?"_

* * *

Everything was all Dean's fault. Not hers. Not Bobby. Not Sam who indirectly caused all this to happen. Hell, not even Ruby who messed up everything in the end. It was all his. He died. He _left_ her. She had tried everything to save him and every _single_ time he shot down all of her idea. He never believed in her. Ever since she found out about his deal, when she decided to help them out on a case to reconnect with him, he avoided her completely, like she was a plague. The words that came out from his mouth since then were out of hatred and anger─ as if in his eyes, she was nothing more than a monster.

_Everything was different now that she knew what was on stake if she failed. It was easier in the past to play both sides and manage to stay afloat when she had no personal vendetta to accomplish. Now she had to hunt down more demons but carefully. She had to find out who held Dean's deal. Whoever it was, he really wanted Dean's soul really bad, no alternation allowed. If she made a wrong move, both Dean and Sam died. Every day she had to handle pressures from the other hunters who wanted to know what the hell was going on, from Sam who always checked on her if she already found a loophole or not, and from Dean who demanded her to stop trying to help him out._

_How could he expect her to stand back when his own life was in danger? Even the demons knew that if there was something she would sacrifice everything she built for years for, it was always for Dean. Why else would she keep working with other hunters even when they started to believe the rumor Gordon had spread out? Keeping Sam safe was not her responsibility but she knew Dean would hate her more if she turned her back on his brother. But nothing she did could change his opinion on her. Nothing she did could make him see that she was truly on his side. _

_Imagine her surprise when she stepped out of the elevator and found a familiar back barely hidden inside her apartment. Her face immediately lit up, complete with a smile for the first time in weeks. The tiredness she felt earlier and her desire to draw herself a long, relaxing bath instantly disappeared. This was the first time he approached her... on his own term. She was finally able to be alone with him again after two years._

_"Let me guess," Elaine spoke out, causing him to turn around, "Bobby?"_

_"He's the only one I know who keep tabs on you," Dean walked out of the shadow, looking around, "I see you kept the layout and furniture."_

_Her smile widened with a slight blush, knowing that he still remembered her old apartment, "well, I was feeling a bit nostalgic at the moment." She took off her ridiculously high heels and put down her bag then walked closer to him─ causing Dean stiffened at their close proximity─ and sighed before stepping away from him. "You're not here to rekindle memories, I guess."_

_"What the hell do you want from me, Elaine?"_

_Even the way he spoke her name was changed, filled with anger and distrust._

_"What makes you think I want something from you, Dean?" she asked, feeling the weariness returned again. How foolish of her to think that he was here to forgive her._

_Dean trained his eyes on her as he moved closer to her until they were few inches apart. "You were literally gone from my life since Seattle two years ago and suddenly you dazzle in as if nothing happened? You know I'm not going to do anything with my deal yet you keep giving hope to Sam. I know when someone needs something from us and I can smell it from you miles away," he hissed, "so tell me what the hell you want and leave us alone."_

_There it was again. It always came back to two years ago for Dean. She had been careful not to mention that night, not even to Bobby, in hope they could make a fresh start again. Yet it kept haunting her back. "Dean─" she raised her hand to touch his cheek when his hand shot up and grabbed her wrist in place, and sighed. He always went to his defense mode whenever she tried to touch him. How could she change his mind if even her touch was disgusting for him? "Believe it or not, Dean, I really don't want anything from you. I just want to help."_

_"Is that it now? You come back because you heard my deal and now you take a pity on me?" He asked, sounding angrier every second, "I don't need it, Corbett!" He slapped her hand away, a bit more forceful. "Stay away from my deal!"_

_"I __**don't**__ pity you, Dean. For God's sake, let me help you! You know I can help. I knew demons, Dean, you know that. I can─" _

_"You can what, huh? What makes you think your friends," he spat out the last word in distaste, "will help you willingly? If someone messes up this deal, Sam dies. I'm not going to let my brother dies because some idiot refuses to get that SHE IS NOT NEEDED!"_

_Elaine flinched when hearing that. "Then what about me, Dean?" she whispered barely heard, choking in her tears, "Am I supposed to just take a step back and let you die just like that? Are you expecting me to watch the man I─" she stopped abruptly, knowing what she almost confessed. "I know that you do this because of Sam, but Dean, please─ For God's sake, please think of yourself first sometimes."_

_Apparently her plea didn't work anymore to him because now his jaw was clenched tight, a sign that he tried not to release his anger. "Sam is the only family I have left and you want me to think of myself above him?"_

_"Fine!" she shouted back, the feelings she held back for weeks had been unleashed. She had done everything, anything to make him understand his situation affected everyone around him. "Then think of Sam if you left him! Think of him living a life knowing it cost his brother's life! Do you think he can just move on like that, Dean? Do you think he can just accept you died and do nothing? What if those demons taunt him or Bobby or me about your doomed life in Hell? What if they tricked us in hope we can save you from Hell? There are demons out there, out for Sam's blood! Not to mentions hunters didn't trust you and Bobby anymore. You saw what Gordon tried to do to him. So yes Dean, I want you to think of yourself. I want you to be selfish!"_

_Her breaths labored and short as she stared at him with wide eyes and her tears streaked face. When Dean didn't make any move to either reject her or something else, Elaine stepped forward and touched his hand slightly while watching his reaction. He glanced towards their touching hands but no other response so she curled her hands around him. "We'll find a way," her voice dropped down, slightly hoarse from shouting just now, "please, for you and Sam. We can save both of you." Just as she thought he would agree with her, Dean seemed to snap out of his stupor and stepped away from her. Desperate to hold him back, to make sure he wouldn't slip away from her again, Elaine reached out for his hand again, "Dean─" but he grabbed her hair instead and twisted it painfully._

_"Listen to me carefully, Corbett. I don't want your help and you are not going to do anything with my contract." He grabbed her other hand who tried to struggle her away from him, "you mess it up and I'm going to hunt you down. I will torture you worse than any demons or monsters ever done to you and I will enjoy it. Got that?" When she refused to answer, he shook her body, "Corbett!"_

_"No! I told you I'm not going to just let you die like that!"_

_"You─!" His hand itched to grab the gun hidden on his back and shot her so he could be done with it but being on this apartment with identical layout as the one two years ago, it clouded his mind. It reminded him of times he spent in there, the time before his father missing and all he worried about was his father finding out his secret adventures with Elaine. In one side he was actually happy to know someone outside his family cared for him but on the other side, he couldn't forget what she had done two years ago. Seeing her tears, how she seemed to genuinely want to help him, only made him doubting his decision. Did he do the right thing to keep pushing her away? But then he remembered what happened, why they never saw each other again, and his resolution was returned. This had to stop."Keep away from us. You don't want to mess up with me, Corbett. Trust me." And he quickly stormed away from the apartment, before he changed his mind about her. Again._

_"Dean! Don't leave, Dean!"_

Yet she couldn't walk away and leave him to his fate. Not this time. She let him leave her door that night in Seattle and it almost ate her alive. Elaine didn't want to imagine how she would feel when he left her forever. He wasn't ready to leave and she wasn't ready to lose him and nor did Sam. At least this time she had Sam and Bobby on her side, each having their own research to find a way. More people to work out how to keep him here. This time she would not let Dean slip away from her fingers. She would not let any demons took him away from her.

Elaine was not going to lose him.

Or so she believed. Despite everything she had done─ even almost losing her life in process─ Dean still didn't trust her and decided on his own way to confront Lilith. Did she deserve a cold shoulder after what she had done three years ago? Maybe yes, but she only did that to protect him. Elaine couldn't believe how completely blinded and stubborn Dean was. She had tried to prove it to him, over the year, that she had no hidden agenda. Was it so wrong to accept her help that she had to beg it to him?

"You okay?" Bobby asked quietly, almost startling her.

Elaine only shrugged her shoulder. Her watery eyes still fixated on the fresh hole they just dug up for Dean. This was it. Few more minutes after this and she wouldn't be able to look at his face. There wouldn't be any miracle to come, not that she believed in God. Dean was gone. His soul was probably sent to Hell already and the torture had started by now. He would become a demon after hundred years of endless tortures, give or take few tortures.

She lost him.

"I still believe we should burn and salt him." He spoke out again, watching as Sam crouched down in front of his coffin.

"It's Sam's decision, Bobby. He's the real family in here." Not that her opinion would matter to Sam. That boy had ignored her completely after throwing tantrum on how useless she was. Had it not been for Bobby, she doubted she would be allowed to stand few feet away from Dean's body or even touch it. "Six months are long enough for him to give up."

Bobby heaved out a sigh, "yeah still..."

None of them wanted to make a burial ceremony for Dean─ the sooner they couldn't see his body anymore, the better. Sam was very bristled when she approached the coffin for her final farewell. Bobby had to make sure he had a strong grip on the boy when Elaine kissed Dean's cold lips because he looked like he was ready to snap her neck with his bare hand. Not that she blamed him. She had promised him so many times over the year that she would save Dean, elevating his hope so high and she just slammed it down to pieces. When Elaine finally stepped away from the coffin, Sam shrugged Bobby's grip on him away and pushed her out of way before crouching down to close the coffin.

The burial process ended fairly quickly─ they gave him a simple grave without any fancy stone or anything, only a wooden cross to mark where they could dig up his body later, and Sam immediately walked to the Impala and drove away. Elaine didn't have any will anymore to turn around and follow him. If Sam didn't want to spend time with them anymore, then let him be. She had had enough to save anyone without her consent anymore. If Sam wanted to be on suicide mission, then she wouldn't make a protest against it. She was too exhausted already, physically and mentally.

After all, there was no way to save Dean when he's already in Hell.

"Aren't you going to chase him?"

"I don't care."

Bobby stared at her full of worry. Her tone was hollow and her eyes were vacant─ the signs were too familiar for him. "You wanna talk about it?" He had seen it in the mirror for days after his wife died, right before he fell into depression.

"No."

"El..." Bobby sighed.

"I said no, Bobby."

Elaine kept her gaze trained at his grave expectantly. She didn't know why she was still standing here. Was she expecting Dean to return alive this soon so she could help him out? That was some miracle that could never happen. She heard what Lilith said when that demon tortured her. Lilith needed Dean in Hell. There was no way Lilith would let him go that easily. Even if Dean managed to somehow get out from Hell, then what? Would she even able to see him, to be with him again? Would he even forgive her and let her stay? But deep inside, she knew she didn't care about that. She didn't care if Dean returned with his hatred on her intact.

She would take anything as long as he was alive, even if she wasn't allowed to see him again.

Dean was gone, just like that─ no goodbyes or even closure─ leaving a gaping hole in her broken heart. Nothing could take the numbness away from her. There were only regret and anger that she had to carry on herself forever.

* * *

_Please tell me what you think :)_


	2. Dead Man Rising

**_Dead Man Rising_**

The church was void of any living things when she entered. Only the clicking sound of her heels against the marble floor could be heard, breaking the cold silence previously surrounding the building. Elaine ventured around the benches placidly while her eyes explored her surrounding warily. Her posture was stiff and in alert, in case a demon or something else decided to jump on her. Even with the protection of holy ground, she still wasn't so sure of her safety if she let her guard down─ regardless the numerous times she had visited this church and left unscathed without any sneak attack. She paused when she reached the other end of the benches and with one more last look around to make sure she was really alone before stepping inside the wooden cubicle hidden behind the curtain. It was strange, now that she thought about it, the numbers of times she had sat on the small cubicles in the last four months and how more comfortable she felt compared to other place, even on her own house. Four months ago, the only way she would willingly enter a church was when she needed to look into lore and consulted with the local priest. Other than that she would avoid churches as if they were infected by fatal diseases.

She never believed on this religious crap─ the blind promise of salvation and peacefulness in the end so long as they had faith. If there were indeed God and His Angels above, where were they when demons roamed the earth freely and caused destruction on their path? What good would a faith be when the monsters coming on their doorsteps, taking every life they could reap, and no one was there to save them? Where were they when she desperately sought help for Dean? Where were they when Dean was on the brink of his death? Wasn't that what they supposed to be good at? Giving a miracle to those who supposedly lost their way in the world, as a proof that He existed─ that He would never abandon humans completely. A miracle to show that even if they forgot about Him, He would still help them. So where were they when she needed a miracle?

Yet there she was, four months later, sitting in a confession room, ready to pour her heart out. Her train of thought was disturbed when she heard noises from the joint cubicle next to her. Elaine automatically reached into her inside jacket, grasping her blade, in instinct.

"Elaine."

She glanced and relieved to see familiar silhouette of a man settling himself in there. "You scared me, Father. It's not a good thing a young woman like me to have a heart attack," she replied, amused when she heard snort from the joint cubicle next to her. "Forgive me father for I have sins."

"Did you? What a surprise," he commented rather dryly, causing her lips to twitch in amusement. After she dumped down her life story at him a week after they first meet, she would rather surprise if anything she said could shock him.

"I killed people. Countless numbers of people," she paused before adding, "I have to kill them, Father."

The Reverend sighed and, as if there was script to be read in front of him, asked with disinterested tone, "Did you kill them because they deserve to die?"

She shook her head, "no… They actually don't. They're completely innocence, normal people. But then again, they can't be that innocence if a demon can possess them easily like that… right?"

There was only silence came out from the Reverend, long enough that Elaine almost decided to check on him. He couldn't get a heart attack just because she mentioned demon possession. He heard it so many times from her already before, that it shouldn't come as surprise to him. "You know," he finally responded, "people come to confession because they wanted to change. You keep coming here almost every week now and your confession is always the same. What you did is justifiable. Demons should be killed in sight before they caused trouble on earth. You know that. You've been doing it for years now." The reverend paused, "Elaine… Why are you really here?"

Elaine looked down and bit her lips, didn't know how to answer. He was right. Why did she come here, confessing everything she had done the past week to a reverend she barely met before four months ago? She shouldn't feel this way─ guilty and ashamed for killing a demon or feel the neef to justify her action to someone. Demons were not supposed to be pitied. They might be a human soul before all those years in Hell, but they weren't anymore. None of them remembered their human life. Even she doubted Ruby actually remembered her past. Her hand unconsciously clenched into a fist, her nails biting into her skin, drawing blood from it, when he crept back to her mind. Did he already become one of them now? Had his soul been thoroughly ripped apart and tortured that no shred of humanity left inside of him anymore? Every time she crossed path with a demon, she always feared it was Dean and she had to kill him. Would he even remember her after being turned into a demon?

"Elaine?"

She shook her head, trying to get it off her mind. It was all she could think of every time she finished her hunting. Every single night, the fear that the demon she killed might be Dean haunted her dreams. "Nothing. Just want to drop by and say hi. Give you a story or two about what's going out on there. Wouldn't want you to hole up in this dump alone. Really Father, every time I come here, it's always empty. Are you sure this church is actually active?" She winched hearing how lame her attempt to subtly change their conversation subject. At least the Reverend couldn't see her expression. Her tone might be light and playful but her facial expression betrayed her completely. It was obvious from how fake and tight her smile was and her body trembling that she tried to hold back her tears. Elaine weakly scoffed realizing how fragile she had become─ all because she still refused to let it go.

The Reverend stared at the thin latice separating them. He didn't need for it to be removed to know her expression. After their first week of meeting, it wasn't hard to notice which tone she used when genuinely teasing him and which when she was actually on the verge of breaking down. But he never pointed it out at her, letting her to think she could still hide herself from him. Elaine was like a scarred kitten, in his opinion. If he approached her boldly, she would lash back and never confessed her trouble to him anymore. He had to be patient and carefully chose his words, especially on this situation. "Are you sure you want to keep doing this? Hunting down demons when you know it's the very reason you can't sleep at night? There are other hunters capable of doing your jobs. You don't have to stay in this life. No one force─" the Reverend abruptly stopped when he heard the door to the adjoined cubicle loudly opened and clicks of high heels followed. He groaned, knowing those 'carefully chosen' words had backlashed on him, and quickly walked out of the cubicle to stop her, "Elaine!"

Elaine reluctantly stopped but she refused to turn around and let him saw her tears. "What?" she winched at how high her voice became. It was supposed to be a warning but then again how much threat one could carry while crying? She took a deep breath, quickly wiped her tears away, before asking again in much calmer tone, "what, Father?"

The Reverend paused, noticing how stiff her posture was, "it will be alright," he finally said.

"It will be fine, you will move on, everything will be good after that, it will work out," she mimicked then rolled her eyes, "honestly Father, I'm not a naïve girl who thought she just lost the love of her life. I know what happened and what will happen to him, I know I won't be able to see him again, I just can't─" her breath hitched when she stumbled on the last part, unable to say it out loud─_ I just can't let it go._

"Not that nonsense. What I mean is..." the Reverend walked closer towards her and put a comforting hand on her shoulder. It was hard not to ignore the suppressed tiredness on her eyes. Ever since they met four months ago, it had been his outmost priority to make it disappeared─ even if all he could do was to give her consoling words. "_Everything_ will be alright, as in it will all turn back to the way it used to be. Trust me."

Elaine turned around slowly, confusion clearly written on her face. She watched his face closely, trying to find the meaning behind his vague answer. "I don't─"

"Of course you don't," he answered dismissively, patting her cheek. "You don't need to understand, just live through it."

"I don't like your tone," she swatted his hand away and her eyes narrowed as he let out a laugh. "And I don't like your laugh either," she added.

"When you ever like it, Elaine?" the Reverend countered back.

She huffed─ her eyes roamed around the empty church, refusing to settle to the Reverend, when they settled on a new stained glass window near the entrance. Normally Elaine would just walk away, ignoring it while the Reverend babbling about the meaning behind it, but this one was different. It was simpler compared to other windows─ there were only two figures on that glass, one was standing and the other was suspended in the air reaching out to the other and they were engulfed in some kind of fire. Elaine swore she never saw this picture before in her life yet there was something familiar and nostalgic with the one who stood in the midst of fire. She took a step closer, slightly in daze, towards it so she could inspect it more closely. "That's a new one," she turned slightly to the Reverend who stood few steps away behind her, "any hidden meaning behind it?"

A victory smile crept into his face─ he knew she would have noticed it. He had it commissioned as soon as possible for a reason. "Oh it's just a story… how an angel can save a human's soul from anywhere─ _even _from deepest pit of Hell."

"That's bullshit," Elaine rolled her eyes as her earlier fascination towards the mosaic quickly diminished, "you're just playing it to get your point."

"Well, you could interpret it as in literal Hell in one way, but Hell could mean something else, you know. The pain, never ending suffering, emptiness," he glanced down at her, "sounds familiar?"

"So what?" she scoffed, "am I supposed to believe that one day an angel will come to save me from my misery? Don't be silly, Father. The angels, even if they really existed, are lazy bum who had no care about this world."

He sighed, "God and the angels─"

"─don't you dare say they work in mysterious way!" Elaine snarled as she pushed at him. "I'm not you who believe on those creatures and follow them blindly, Father. I've seen worse things in this world and nothing, _no single thing_, can stop them except hunters. I've never even seen any angel helping us in my entire life so don't you expect me to believe in the. Ever!" The knowing look she saw on the Reverend was enough to stop her ranting. Elaine turned away from him and she could feel headache and shooting pain on her chest settling in again. "Forgive me," she quietly said after few moments of silence. "I shouldn't─ I'm just─" she sighed, "it's been a long day for me."

The Reverend paid no heed to her outburst and instead focused on the new mosaic, "do you know why the angel saved that man, Elaine?"

Elaine rolled her eyes, knowing that it was pointless because he would tell her the real answer in the end, but she decided to humor him. "Because he believes in them?" she said, mocking his earlier statement.

"Because the angel believes that there is something good and righteous inside him." The Reverend glanced at Elaine who seemed like she was on the verge of bursting into another argument, "miracle do happen for people who lost, Elaine. Angels will come even for people who believe themselves don't deserve any help. Your time will come soon enough, as long as you're patient. It will come." He paused, watching as her shoulder no longer stiffened as before, "you're… not dealing with him anymore, weren't you?"

"Trust me Father, the next time I met that vermin, his head will no longer attached to his body."

The Reverend frowned at how her anger quickly escalated at the mention of him. "You promised me you won't look after him," his tone was laced with accusation. "I told you─"

"─I know what you told me, Father," Elaine huffed then her eyes caught on the new mosaic again. Her mind, once again, traveled back to the good days she had before everything went down in a night. It seemed to be a very long time ago, like a vague memory she wasn't sure she had, right now. "Do you really think it could happen?" she asked softly. There was no mistaken on the hope swelling up behind her tone.

"I believe so."

"It's been four months already."

She was quite surprised when the Reverend didn't say anything. Usually he would use this opportunity to butt in and try to convince her to _believe_. Gosh, he really overused that word on her every visit starting four months ago that it almost meant nothing to her anymore. _Believe. _What was the use of her believing in something when no one even believed in her anymore─ not even herself? If only reality was as easy as he made it sound. She tried to pray for his rescue, just like what the Reverend advised, but there was nothing. No miracle, no proof, nothing. Dean was still in Hell and she was losing hope to get him out.

"What happened, Elaine?"

_A week after burying him and Sam left without parting any words, Elaine called in few hunters she trusted to repay their debt on her. With a rumor of her going bat crazy after Dean's death, she was quite surprised to find all of them showed up in her apartment. Neither of them backed down even after she explained her almost impossible goals. It took them few days to pack up her belongings─ especially her book and rare item collections─ and moved them to her new house in the outskirt of Minneapolis, closer to where Bobby lived, and served as their main base. Their first and foremost objective was to keep Sam saved, which was the easiest compared to the other. Even if they had to do it inconspicuously so not to push her up the list of anyone he wanted dead. The next one was quite tricky─ to find her demon informant who bailed on her when Dean's deadline almost came up. He knew a way to save Dean from Hell and she intended to push him through it. This was where it got messier. That accursed demon knew her better than anyone─ which meant he could predict what she was trying to do._

_He managed to hide himself right before they started tracking him._

_It took Elaine almost four months before she finally managed to pinpoint his hiding location. That annoying pest was able to elude every trap her team carefully put. Not that she could blame the other members in her team─ she had her own fare of distractions as well. How many times did she kill demons she managed to capture just because they mentioned __**his **__name? She had to admit that demon was indeed capable of thoroughly hiding his existence that only handful of demons knew where he was. It didn't strike her as a surprise as well that when she finally infiltrated his hiding place, he patiently sat on his armchair with two glasses of wine and an opened bottle on the side table._

_"Wine? I recall you quite enjoyed Chateau Cos-d'Estournel 1982 last time I saw you." He threw her a pointed look when Elaine shot both glasses and the bottle. "Now that's a waste of good wine. Not my preference but I have to admit it left rather pleasant taste."_

_Elaine stalked towards the demon angrily until she was few inches away and cocked her gun at his head. "You fucking vermin! In case you're too dimwit to understand, our deal means you come and beck when I call!"_

_The demon raised his eyebrow, "I do come when you call. I don't see what the fuss in here."_

_"Don't play around with me, Crowley. We have a deal. Let's get it over with."_

_"Ah yes, that, " Crowley walked away from her and casually opened a drawer to get new set of glasses. "Slight change of plan." He poured them with Craig this time. "_We_ need to keep you alive apparently," then he took a sip, unconcerned that she still trained her gun at him with a demon blade on her hip. "Isn't that wonderful news?"_

_Crowley barely managed to hide a smirk when he noticed her gun was slightly lowered. "What?" she whispered. This was not what she expected to happen. She thought she might need another leverages against him so he would finish his end of deal. But not this. Lilith had made sure her life was so miserable, sending demons after demons that she barely had time to rest─ apparently she was their main target after Dean was deported to Hell. Now she had offered herself at demons' mercy─ so long as they released Dean from downstairs─ but that blasted demon decided to change her mind?_

_"Yes confusing, I know," he sighed loudly, "but that's a direct order apparently. So, now that we established your soul is no longer urgently required, I think we can conclude our secret meeting, hm? Dean Winchester might not be here but I heard you're secretly taking his brother under your wing now," he snorted amusedly, "can't stay away from those monkeys, can you? You should─" he was stopped abruptly when a knife was pressed on his throat. "Really?" he rolled his eyes, "since when are you on 'shoot-first-ask-later' policy?"_

_"The deal is off when I say it's off, Crowley," she growled._

_"For your own good, darling, I suggest you forget him and move on already. Look at you, dressed in that hideous thing and," he sniffed, "smell like a car's perfume. Goodness, did you really stay on the road?" Before Elaine could react, he grabbed her arm and twisted it around until she yelled out in pain and dropped down the blade. "You have a team to manage and other demons to hunt I heard. Chop, chop. They might think you died too."_

_"There has to be way! You're the king of crossroads demon. Think!"_

_"Let me think…" he pretended to think hard before throwing her an exasperated look, "Nope. There is _none_. The soul exchange was the only way you can return his soul back here and you have no soul worth as his was. So no deal."_

_It took him a matter of blink to vanish from her completely. Elaine spun around to find he was nowhere in sight and threw her gun away in anger. "Crowley! Get back here, you bastard!" she shouted to an empty air. _

"─Elaine?"

Elaine blinked, shaking away her thought, and focused back to the present time. The Reverend was staring at her in concern after she dazed off from his last question. "Nothing," she muttered quickly, not wanting to jump into another argument about that vile. For someone who was still green on this thing, he was rather adamant that she was not dealing with Crowley again. She glanced at her watch then realized that she was in the church longer than she expected. If she didn't leave sooner, someone from her team would come to retrieve her. He would immediately launch into his priest phase and reprimand them how being a hunter didn't mean they couldn't start believing. She was definitely not in the mood to hear that for the second time. "I have to go."

"Have you used it? The one I gave you a month ago?"

"Not really," she shrugged her shoulder, "I'm pretty confident the demon blade is way better. Don't have any chance to try that."

"Good." He smiled when she gave him a startled look, "don't let _anyone_ know about that yet. At least not when you're really in danger. Trust me," he added. "It will be valuable to you."

Elaine narrowed her eyes, already feeling the headache creeping back, "you do know I'll hang this over your head if I use that and it cost me my life." When he only grinned back in respond, she had to hold back from screaming out in frustration. "You are an unbelievable priest, you know that?" she huffed, stomping away from him but not before sparing another glance to the new stained glass window.

"I'll see you next week then!" he called out after her, grinning, as she raised her hand for a little wave before disappearing from his sight.

Her car was not the only thing she saw when she stepped out of the church. There was another familiar car parked there with someone leaning on it─ someone who was not supposed to be here if he followed her order two days ago and didn't even bother to look guilty about it. Elaine looked around to ensure no one else was present, either from her team or demons, before approaching him. "You better have a good reason for this," she warned. These church visits were supposed to be a private time and no one was supposed to bother her. Her left eyebrow rose when he waggled a cellphone in front of her. For a moment neither of them moved but their eyes challenged the other to make a movement first. The corner of her lips twitched up when he finally dropped the phone on her open palm. Elaine glanced at the screen before scowling up at him. "If you're trying to─"

"─look at their eyes," he cut in while sweeping his fingers at the screen to zoom in the picture.

Elaine's eyes widened when she realized what he was trying to show her. In her hand were seemed to be picture collection of random people… but with black eyes. "And they are all in the same city?"

"Yep. Possessing people almost at the same time and in the same city. Probably a scout group."

"Lilith?"

"Not on sight. Look at the last picture."

She swiped through the collection until she reached the last one and her mouth fell open. Her head shot up to meet his solemn gaze, eyes still widened and she could feel heavy feeling in her stomach. "He's on the same city? Who's doing the chase?"

"Yeah, he's heading that way. We think it's him. Recognize the woman next to him?"

Elaine squinted her eyes to see clearly half hidden black haired woman in the picture. She had seen that woman before, all of them from the surveillance photo they took of Sam to report to her. "It's the same woman. Did you get a background check on her?"

"Yep." He took out a file from behind his jacket which she snatched and skimmed through it. "A Jane Doe. The doctor declared her brain dead around four months ago and when they pulled her plug…" his voice trailed off. He didn't need to continue for her to know what was happening.

"─she came back to life," Elaine concluded and let out a frustrated sigh, "she's a demon. Damn it!" When that woman came into their radar three months ago, she thought Sam was just hooking up with her. Then hopefully by time, he would forget revenging for Dean and settle down in an 'apple-pie' life, just like what Dean would have wanted. She didn't want to go all psycho on the girl and gave Sam another reason to hate her if it turned out that she was a normal civilian. But now she wished she caved into her paranoia. How did she not think a demon might try to manipulate Sam this way?

The man softened his gaze as he pried the now crumpled file away from her death grip, "what do you want to do? Sooner or later other hunters would get a wind of this and by then it would be hard to control the situation."

"Where are they?" Elaine narrowed her eyes when she noticed how hesitated he was to answer her. "Andy," her tone went down dangerously and her arm folded across the chest. He better answered her at once or things could get ugly. She didn't care if the Reverend heard and admonished her for that. Sam could be in danger!

"Pontiac, Illinois."

* * *

Elaine paced around restlessly in her room, still clad in her day clothes. Every few minutes her eyes would dart towards the clock and then down to her cellphone secured in her tight grip. She didn't like this situation or even herself at this moment. Right after she heard the name of the city those demons and Sam were sighted earlier, a wave of suppressed memories hit her repeatedly, burying her deep back into her usual nightmares. Next thing she knew she started to sweat profusely and gasp for breath, feeling as if something was choking her, and her entire body was shaking hard. Her vision started to spin around─ she didn't know which one was real and which one was from her memories. Elaine scoffed at herself─ she had a panic attack just from hearing that name. Just how lower she could befall now?

And Andy─ that blasted man decided the best way to handle her situation was to knock her out and took her back to their nearest safe house. He somehow even managed to regroup the team in there and together they forced her to stay inside her bedroom. No matter what she did, even with threatening to spill out their secrets, they stood on their ground not to let her come to Pontiac. Steve and Rod were already there and they were more than capable to handle it, they said. Those two were barely able to handle a pack of vampires and they thought Sam could be safe with them? At least they followed every list she ordered them to, unlike _certain_ someone.

"Calm down, Elaine," someone called out from behind. "Get some rest."

She turned around, openly glaring the man who had the audacity to enjoy the comfort of her bed after knocking her out few hours earlier. "I should be in Pontiac right now, not taking a rest in here. Sam could be in danger. And who gave you permission to sleep in _my _bedroom?!" she screeched out the last part. It was not nice to wake up in her bed, which she had no recollection of getting herself there, and found a heavy arm belonged to a certain topless man draped carelessly on her chest.

He shrugged his shoulder nonchalantly before getting out of her bed, "well apparently I'm the only one who can handle you right now," he bent down to plant a kiss on her shoulder. "Come on," he murmured softly, "I think I know a way to take your mind off of it." His left hand was comfortably rested on her waist while the other ran along her bare arm as he stepped closer to her. His lips trailed few kisses from her shoulder, tilting her head slightly, up to her neck. Elaine closed her eyes and relaxed slightly, enjoying the pampered ministration he gave her. His lips curled up in grin when he heard soft moan from her as he gave a little lick on behind her ear. "Let's get you comfor─ ow, ow, ow!" he yelled out when Elaine reached out to twist his ear painfully, half regretting her decision. If only there was no urgent situation, she would gladly let him do what he wanted. There was nothing better than sex to get rid of this annoying headache. "Okay, okay! Ow─ I'm sorry I knocked you─ ow─ out earlier! Would you stop─ ow─ twisting my ear!?"

Before she could reply, the door to her bedroom opened suddenly and two people bursting in with their gun pointed at them. Elaine rolled her eyes before releasing his ear then faced her sheepish intruders, "really?"

"Well you're making him screaming like a kitten." One of them retracted her weapon then grinned at the scowling fallen man behind Elaine, "made us wonder what the hell is going on inside."

"Any news?" she asked, not bothering to help him out.

The other woman shrugged her shoulder, "not that I know of. Sam just got into the motel and we haven't seen him since then. Steve and Rod already booked the rooms next to his. If there is anything happen, they will know and help him out, El." She squeezed the shoulder of other woman to offer comfort and sympathy then glanced to the others and motioned them to leave the room. "come now, let's get you rested." She was about to led Elaine to her bathroom when the other woman shrugged away from her. "Elaine…"

"I can't just rest in here and do nothing, Liz," she snapped, "Sam is in a room with a demon and neither Steve nor Rod has a demon blade." Elaine glanced at the clock again, already past midnight. It was too late for her to catch the last flight and she couldn't wait for few more hours to get on the first flight in the morning. Sam would not heed her warning or accept her help if she came alone to him. He had made that clear four months ago when she tried to help him out. The only living person in this world that could make listen to him was Bobby. She glanced at her discarded phone─ should she call him instead? "I have to go," then she decided.

"Wait, where are you going? You can't just drive to─"

Elaine huffed at her warning, "Sam has a problem with me confronting him, yes I know that, Liz. I was the one who told you that. I'm going to Bobby and _he_ will make Sam see reason."

"Can't you just call him or something?"

"It's late already. I don't want Bobby to jump into the road and banging down the motel in dead night." Had it been over a year ago, Elaine would choose to wait for the flight rather than the discomfort road trip. Or rather she would not end up in this predicament. But now that she had spent most of her time in the road like others and played both roles as hunted and the hunter with demons, it came out no surprise that she automatically reached out for her duffel bag and packed up her usual things for travelling. Her demon blade was already stashed inside along with another blade the Reverend gave her─ not that she ignored his advice and used it. She just didn't trust her prized weapons to her member, regardless how loyal they were. Most of her guns were already in her car so she didn't need to raid their inventory. Elaine turned around, her duffel bag hoisted in her shoulder, when a hand stopped her from moving. "What?"

"I'm coming with you," she said firmly.

"No!"

"You just got into a panic attack and you're supposed to rest. I'm not having you suffered another attack while driving. It's either me or Andy. Your pick."

Elaine glared at her fellow hunter who seemed to be immune of it before scowling and gave in, "tell Andy to get ready. You're supposed to be in Atlanta already by now," she added when Liz opened her mouth to argue again. "Besides it's easier to order Andy than you."

"That's because he want to get in your knickers," Liz laughed as she dodged a playful smack from her friend. "Tell him to get the car around?"

"Yeah. Do that."

Whatever Liz had said to Andy after she left her bedroom, she needed to know because Elaine never saw Andy was ready so fast since their first meeting. She raised her eyebrow, amused, when she found him standing straight and still by her car half an hour later. He didn't even let out any protest when she showed up with a dress and high heels instead of her usual hunting clothes and dumped her duffel bag rather forcefully on him. Elaine was tempted to see his reaction if she took the keys from him but she had to admit she was rather tired. Being knocked out for few hours didn't compensate the lack of sleep she experienced lately. Despite her constant worries over Sam's safety in Pontiac and Bobby's reaction learning the news, they were barely out of the city when she surrendered to the exhaustion and let the deep rumbling sound of her car lulled her to sleep.

It was already morning and they just entered Omaha when Andy woke her up and she reacted rather violently, causing him to lose the steering for a moment and barely escaped a narrow hit to the green car they was about to pass. That, apparently, managed to shake off the threats Liz hung over his head because he reverted back to his usual self. Now she had to endure his nonstop ranting about her apparent lack of self-control until they stopped on the first supermarket they found, for a quick grocery shopping. Bobby was expecting her visit soon after all and she always brought grocery with her─ something to decorate his pantry other than alcohol. Not that she blamed him for that newfound habit. She would have drowned herself in alcohol as well had she not met Father Thomas few days after that, although sometimes she regretted her decision.

"You should go after Steve and Rod. I'll catch a ride with Bobby," was what she said when they almost arrived in Singer Salvage Yard. True to their promise, those two kept a turn to check in every two hours so she knew they were still alive. Yet the news were still the same every time─ Sam didn't go out of his room since he checked in and there were no movements from the demons as well.

Andy turned his head, his foot slammed down on the brake, pulling her car into a full stop. "No," he said sharply. "Liz told me not to let you out of sight."

"Liz is not our mother and I'm with Bobby Singer," she rolled her eyes, "he is more than capable on helping me out if I get another episode."

"He doesn't even know you have panic attack," Elaine stiffened, knowing he had a point. No one other than Liz, Andy, and the Reverend knew about her frequent panic attacks, until last night at least. Now her team found out how weak she had become. "I'm going in with you."

If it were the other time, she would have teased him for his rare bravery to stand up against her, but she'd really rather not have him around for this. "I'm going to tell him about Sam and his possible suicide mission in here. Things could go a bit heated and I'd rather not have an outsider for this."

"Oh, outsider, am I?" Andy scowled at her comment.

Elaine glared at him, silently cursing at his annoying ignorance to read the situation, "in this situation, yes you are," she countered back, leaving no opening for argument. "I don't care what you're going to do but you're not to enter that house. Got it?" After she finally received a reluctant and brief nod from him, Elaine went out of the car along with a paper bag of grocery─ her demon blade was already moved into inside of her long coat earlier. "Thanks for driving me," she added quietly before closing the door.

It took her less than ten steps to start regretting her decision for not letting him drove her up to the front door. High heels and a heavy paper bag was definitely not a good combination. Maybe she shouldn't wear high heels. She had no idea what prompted her to change out of her hunting clothes last night. There was no one to impress in Bobby's anyway and she had to change back before they went after… ah, now she remembered why. They would pass by Dean's grave on the way up to Pontiac and she wanted to visit it for the first time after burying him four months ago. Even though she had no idea what she would do in there. She never had the desire to visit someone's graveyard unless to burn their remains and all of her dead hunter friends were salt and burn.

What would normal person do when visiting a graveyard? She vaguely remembered seeing flowers in some graves during her hunting, but she never understood the reason. Why would they even visit in the first place? The dead wouldn't be able to hear them nor could they appreciate the flowers or other offerings, unless they were ghost and it always spelled big trouble in the end.

Elaine took a deep breath, making sure her smile was on place, before taking out the spare key she had to open Bobby's front door only to find that it was unlocked. A frown latched on her face─ Bobby was never one to carelessly let his door unlocked like this. Taking out her demon blade from inside her coat, she navigated her paper bag to hide the blade from view, just for precaution. She highly doubted someone could get a jump on Bobby. He probably just got back from case and really tired that he forgot to lock the door. "Bobby? You there?" she called out while struggling to keep the paper bag steady with only one hand. "I think we should call Sam soon. It's almost six month and─"

"Hey honey, I'm home."

She stopped dead on track hearing that voice. No, no. It's not happening. Her mind couldn't play a trick on her again. There was no way she had an episode again without any warning. No, not in here please, anywhere but here. Slowly Elaine turned her head around, her body trembling as she silently pleading for her mind to stop, to where the voice came from. The paper bag slid away from her grip, causing the contents to spill out in the floor, and she made no move to clean it up. She couldn't even move herself if she wanted to because standing in front of her was Dean─ _alive _and_ breathing _Dean. She took a step back involuntarily, scared at how real her hallucination had become. This was just another attack. He wasn't real. Elaine kept repeating it in her mind in hope for 'Dean' to disappear.

But he didn't.

'Dean' was still there, his arm now slightly raised and opened, as if beckoning her to come for a hug. Her hand unconsciously tightened its grip on her blade in response. She thought to scream out for Andy or even Bobby, but her throat was too dry and no voice came out of her mouth. Then suddenly Bobby appeared in the corner of her eyes, standing beside 'Dean'. Elaine frowned─ never in her episodes had Bobby been present there. Something was wrong in here. Either her hallucination was now merged with reality and she had to admit herself in mental institute after this or someone was playing a sick, twisted game on her right now.

She raised her blade, ready to attack, when Bobby's voice stopped her, "El, it's him! It's really Dean." It sounded genuinely Bobby but that would mean… Elaine cast her gaze back to 'Dean'. Her grip loosened and the demon blade dropped unceremoniously to the floor as she walked closer towards him in daze. He was real? Did God and the angels really listen to her prayer? Did they give her the first and probably last miracle? Elaine stopped when she was few inches away from him. No… Miracle never happened. Ever. Her hallucination was going stronger now because she literally could feel his breath and smelled the leather scent from Impala with a hint of alcohol and gun powder residue she usually associated to him.

'Dean' smiled and spoke again, "hey, El."

She froze on her step. No. It was definitely not Dean. He wouldn't speak her name gently like that, not since two years ago. Yet it made her wondered… if this was really Dean, what would she do? If it were in the romantic movie she sometimes watched, the heroine would jump into his arms, crying happily, as he hoisted her up in a twirl. She would murmur gratefulness while peppering his face with kisses. But her life was not a movie and Elaine was definitely not those damsels in distress.

If this was really Dean, coming back from Hell and looking not guilty in the slightest… well, it shouldn't be hard to figure out what her reaction would be. Elaine took a step back again─ her hand clenched tight and before he could react, she landed a perfect blow to his jaw, properly knocking him out.

"Elaine!" Bobby exclaimed, utterly shocked at her.

She blinked when Bobby bent down to check on Dean. First in confusion, then the realization finally sunk into her mind. There was tingling feeling on her hand, as if she _really_ hit someone and not an illusion. Dean was still on the floor unconscious from her blow. He didn't disappear as he was supposed to when she finally shook out of her episode. Dean was still _here_.

Oh God. It wasn't another hallucination. No, it was real. Everything she saw was real. She really knocked Dean out. Her eyes widened when her mind finally warped around the sight in front of her.

Dean was alive?

* * *

_Thanks for those who follow and favorite my story. Glad that you like it._

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	3. Everything is Not Alright

_**Everything is Not Alright**_

"What the hell did you knock him out for?"

It took her quite a while to compose herself and even then Dean still hadn't awake yet. Maybe her punch was too hard for someone who just came back to life. Elaine momentarily paused, unsure on what should she do next, before she decided to gather her groceries. Her face twisted in grimace, seeing all the eggs were broken and stuck to the floorboard. Cleaning was not something she looked forward after this. She carefully maneuvered her way around Dean's body, ignoring disbelief stare from Bobby. What did he expect her to do? She really didn't realize it was actually Dean and not another of her episodes. It wasn't as if she would try to shoot or stab him instead. He would come around… soon, which gave her more time to prepare herself.

Bobby said he had done every imaginable test to make sure it wasn't a demon rode him out of Hell or other monsters─ silver, holy water, everything. All of them came back negatives. And from the brief talk they had before she interrupted, Dean had no recollection about his time in Hell nor did he know who dragged him out. They both thought a higher demon rode him out or Sam got his hand on this. Her mind automatically went to the situation in Pontiac right now─ specifically to Sam and his newfound demon lackey. Elaine bit her lips, knowing now she had to deliver the bad news to Dean as well. He wouldn't like it. If he knew that she failed protecting Sam, he would blame and scorned her again for that.

"I'm allowed to have that reaction if I saw someone who was supposed to be dead. At least I didn't shoot him."

"Yeah, but knock him out? Don't you─" Bobby stopped, watching her expression closely, "it's getting worse, isn't it?"

Elaine froze on her track, staring back at the old hunter in disbelief, and her mouth slightly opened. Then she caught on what had been transpired behind her back these few months. "Liz is your sneaky spy on me," her hand folded tight in her chest as she shook her head slightly with amusement, "I should have known. She was too prying sometimes."

"Just cause I can't keep an eye on Sam, doesn't mean you can get away as well, missy."

Her smile faltered when both of them noticed Dean was slowly coming around. Elaine waited, stiffened in fear anticipation, as he finally sitting up straight but still confused. It took him few seconds before he remembered what happened. Dean immediately jumped into his feet and stared at her in accusation. "You knocked me out!"

It wasn't a dream. His voice was still hoarse from being buried for four months, but it was really Dean's voice. Her heart leapt up and beat frantically after hearing his voice again. She had almost forgotten how he sounded like. Not trusting how her tone would be or if she was able to hold back the tears that now threatened to pour out, Elaine settled down to just shrug her shoulder in response. Before she could compose herself and figure out what she should do or say, Dean marched towards her. His hand barely touched her arm when she spontaneously stepped away from his touch. Elaine abashedly averted her gaze away after noticing his stunned look.

It was Bobby who broke the painful silence between them. "You heard any whisper, El?"

Elaine shook her head timidly. The only one who seemed to believe Dean could be returned was the Reverend, but he couldn't be the one behind this... could he?

"Wait, what's up with six months? Why do you wanna call Sam for that?" He turned around to Bobby, accusingly, "you said he's not answering your phone."

"He isn't but it's not like we lost him completely. El got him under surveillance."

Now Dean went around at her. His jaw clenched, a classic sign that his anger was starting to escalate. "What? You're too busy to look after him in person?"

Elaine raised her eyebrow. Yes, she was more convinced that it was Dean. No one could imitate the genuine concern Dean had for his brother. "Unfortunately there are other hunts that need to be done. Monster to slay, people to save. The world doesn't revolve around the Winchesters." She glanced at Bobby who rolled his eyes before giving her a pointed look. "I have best hunters tailing him in turns. Besides Sam is not really fond of me," she added when Dean was ready to argue again. "You look very good for someone who's been dead for four months," she blurted suddenly.

And it was true. There were no visible scars in his body, even the one he had before his death. It was as if whoever saved him healed his body as well. Like Bobby said, his body should be decaying right now.

"Yeah, except for that hand mark." Bobby commented.

She frowned, glancing between those two, and tilted her head slightly. That didn't sound like a good thing. "What mark?" she asked with her hand rested on her hips, demanding an explanation. She was about to ask again when Dean rolled up his right sleeve, showing a hand shaped mark on his shoulder she never saw before his death. "Oh my god…" she whispered, realizing why they insisted on something rode him out of Hell. That mark must have been burnt strongly on his soul that it appeared in his physical body as well. Elaine touched his mark gingerly while watching his reaction closely, pointedly ignoring how close she was to him. She could feel his breath and warmth, see his chest rising up and down─ something that she could only dream for the past four months. One more step and she could reach out to his lips and Dean was aware of that since he slightly leaned towards her. What he wasn't aware was that the last time their lips touched, his was already cold from death.

"Lilith then?"

Bobby's voice shook them out of their stupor. Elaine shook her head, taking a step away from Dean, "I don't know. I mean it could be, but─" she raised her eyes to meet his, "I can't think of a reason why she wants you out of Hell, especially after…" her voice died down, unable to speak out what they had been through last year. In front of her, Dean also fidgeted uncomfortably. Both being reminded that they didn't exactly part in a good term. Deep down Elaine wanted to ask if he really didn't remember of his time in Hell, if he really was feeling fine, or more importantly… where _they_ were standing now, what he really felt about her now.

"Hold up their end of bargain?"

"You think Sam made a deal." Bobby commented then turned to the silent woman beside Dean. "El?"

Elaine bit her lips. Now that she knew Dean had miraculously sent back to life, it did make sense why those demons popping out in Pontiac and why Sam chase after them. The most plausible explanation was indeed Sam making a deal with a demon. But she highly doubted he could strike one. "I don't think Sam can make a deal. No one can make a deal for you." She didn't need to say it out loud to convey the hidden message. Their tight expression showed that it.

"I sense a but in there."

A pained smile warmed its way to her face. Even after all that, he still could read her best… or maybe he was still suspicious on her. "There was report on demon sighting in Pontiac, Illinois yesterday. My hunters followed them but they didn't do anything. They just possess humans and stayed there. We thought they might be a scout group but we have no idea what draw them to the city. Well," she glanced at him, "now we know." Although she doubted it was for the very reason going on Dean's mind right now. There was no need for demons to gather around near Dean's grave and does nothing if they were the one who let him go. No, there should be something more behind it.

"You still hide something," Dean said, still noticing the hesitant look on her face.

Elaine sighed. This was not going to ease his mind at all. She could picture how his brain worked out the final information and how he would react. But she knew she couldn't keep it away from him. It was better that she warned him first rather than he found out himself later. "Sam is in Pontiac as well," she reluctantly answered, "he's chasing after them. But he's fine, holed up in his motel room somehow," she hurriedly added. Maybe she should drop the demon companion bomb later, after she found out who it was and what she wanted.

Just as she expected, Dean reacted badly at the news. "And why the hell aren't you there?!" he snarled. Bobby had already disappeared to the backyard, preparing everything they needed to Pontiac, leaving them alone to argue. "Leaving him alone against demons with no backup?!"

"I have other things to worry of," she said, rather briskly, even if a small part of her head kept whispering that Dean was right. She should have just gone to Pontiac instead of coming down here. She should be able to handle Sam's anger rather than running away from him.

"He's my brother! You're supposed to look after him!"

Elaine raised her eyebrow. "Oh? Remind me again, please. When did we discuss about that arrangement?" she asked. To her surprise, Dean didn't budge into her goading and spilled out what she wanted to hear. If she didn't know him better, it was as if he was trying to ignore everything that had happened from that night in Seattle up until his death. As though there was no bitterness between them. But she knew it wasn't the truth. Dean was not the person who forgave and forgot so easily. Yet she couldn't bring herself to point it out, because she was too afraid. Scared that if she asked him, he would be reminded of that and returned to his previous self. Then she had to relive that horrible year over and over again.

She was lying when she said it was fine if Dean kept on hating her as long as he was alive. Or that she could endure staying away from him as long as he was safe. No. Elaine realized she'd rather watching Dean died over and over again than to go through that year again.

Dean opened his mouth, ready to retort, but realized she was right. They never had that discussion. He had just assumed that she would protect Sam after he died, regardless of what happened. At least to keep demons away from him. He thought she would be understanding, just like she always did, and helped Sam move on with his life. Wasn't that what she kept saying in their numerous arguments, her reason to push him fight the deal? She knew he would do anything for Sam so why didn't she help him out? Why did she keep her distance from Sam? She never had a problem on insisting to be a part of his life when he hated her and tried to push her away. So why would Sam be any different? Dean glanced at her─ he was stunned, hurt, but not really surprised when she flinched away from his touch or even knocked him out earlier. After what happened on their last confrontation, he wouldn't blame her to react that way.

That was how Bobby found them when he returned inside─ standing awkwardly still while stealing a glance at each other when the other was not looking, causing him to roll his eyes. He had purposefully went away to give them a private time to talk things through, knowing what happened between those two before Dean died and what Elaine had gone through afterwards. Just one talk and they could go on with their life in peace, regardless their decision. Yet those two decided to prove to him how utterly stubborn and prideful they could be. He thought they would learn a lesson after the last 'lover spat'─ God knows what was the reason for that. He had a feeling he'd rather not know about it─ and started to _talk_ properly.

Sometimes he hated the fact that he seemed to be the only logical person in this world.

"Car's ready," he finally spoke out, breaking the silence and startling the others.

"Great!" Dean said loudly, ignoring the yammering in his heart, but rather glad that Bobby interrupted them. He was lost at words to talk to her, didn't know where to begin, or even what to do. Before he could make a scene again, he immediately stalked away from the room. God, that was awkward. Elaine didn't even bother to continue their conversation and she _always_ found something to talk to. Dean shook his head─ this was not the time to think about her. Finding Sam was his outmost priority and he could be in danger right now.

"El?" Bobby's voice was heard from behind him.

There was a pause before she answered him, her voice carried out faintly in the room, "I'm not coming."

And Dean stopped dead on his track. He turned around, completely surprised at her answer. "What the hell, El?!" he shouted, before Bobby had a chance to react, and walked back towards her. "First you don't want to look after Sam and now you don't want to help him?!" His gaze glowered down at her.

What she wanted to shout back was that she was scared to be around him again, or if Sam would tell him everything that happened on the first month after he died, if he would hate her again after that. "I hardly think we need three people to go after him," she said instead. "I'm sure you'd do well for someone just returned to life. There are two other hunters keeping an eye on Sam right now."

"Oh so this is how it is now? You're just abandoning us like that?"

"Might it occur to you that I have something else to take care of?"

"Like what? Tea time with your demon pal?" Dean countered angrily but managed to stop himself before losing control of his emotion, "you know what─ I don't have time for this. Do what the hell you want, El! Come on, Bobby." He grabbed the last duffel bag near the doorway and walked out of the house without sparing another glance at her.

Elaine flinched when he slammed the door so loudly that it rattled the frame then she felt a gentle squeeze on her shoulder. Bobby gave her one last sympathetic look at her fake smile before following Dean outside. When she reached the front door, Elaine had a glimpse of Bobby's car driving away in hurry, leaving dust on its trail. It was not exactly a lie when she told Dean that she had something else to do. There was one other person besides her and Sam who believed Dean could be saved and she suspected he had something more to let on. Besides, even if she was wrong and demons actually had something to do with Dean's resurrection, there were two hunters who would back them up. They didn't really need her there.

To her surprise, Andy along with her car was still where she left him earlier, but little bit hidden from the road. She raised her eyebrow when Andy stepped out of the car. "What? You said do anything I want. This is what I want," he said, grinning. "Saw Bobby's car went out just now. Are we going after him?"

"No."

Andy quickly went back inside and watched her carefully as she took off her coat and put on the seat belt. "You sure?" he asked, quite stunned at her answer.

"I need to go to the church."

He frowned. Elaine _never_ went to that church more than once a week and she was a woman of habit. And she _never _let any of them came with her. Unless something had drastically changed, she wouldn't break her habit. Earlier she was adamant on going after Sam by herself and refused their advice to take a rest but now she decided to ditch and return back to that church? Then he noticed something amiss on her and caused his frown to deepen. "Elaine, what happened?"

Elaine glanced at him, as always ready to rebuke, only to find he was focused on something else than her face. She followed his gaze to see that her hands were shaking. "That's a first. I didn't even realize it," she weakly said. Her mind was too focused on holding back her tears and desire to kiss and forgive Dean right away. Then it shifted to wondering how eerie this coincidence was. Not once did her mind registered that she was having another panic attack, a real one this time, until Andy noticed it.

"You want me to─"

"No. Just take me to my church."

Andy pursed his lips, clearly disagreed to let it be, but Elaine seemed to be doing fine. She didn't have a seizure or sweat or even faint─ which was a good thing. So he reluctantly followed her wish and drove the car towards her church. It was going to be a long journey again. Andy glanced to her again─ if she even showed the slightest sign that it got worse, he would change direction towards the nearest hospital. Consequences be damned. Then he reached out for her shaking hand and gave it a comforting squeeze, slightly dreading that she pushed it away. To his surprise, when he braved himself to steal another glance, a rare and content soft smile appeared to her face.

Even when her hand finally stopped shaking, he still didn't let go of hers and nor did she ask him to.

* * *

"_I don't know if I can just let myself believe in God and start praying." Elaine said quietly as they sat on the front row, staring at the empty altar, "with everything I've seen… all those monsters and nightmares and… I don't think I can bring myself to…" she stopped, feeling a huge lump on her throat. "I'm sorry, I… This is not who I really am, Father. I am a hunter. I never was this weak, mindless woman who can't do anything when─" Her breath hitched as tears threatened to come out again._

"_Take a small step first," he said soothingly, "you don't have to jump in and join the crowd immediately. Do it at your own pace, Elaine, no one is rushing you." He patted her clenched hand, "I'd say we're making a real progress here. You know, with you're talking about his death. It really takes a lot of strength to talk about your loss, especially when you loved him, and that shows how strong you really are. I never see you as a weak woman, Elaine." Then he reached out to wipe tears on her face. "I believe you can face it through."_

_Elaine smiled, slightly leaning towards the warmth of his hand on her cheek. That was what she, and the others, had been trying to convince her─ that it was normal to have this reaction, that it didn't mark her as a weak woman. She never expected that it was him, a lone Reverend from small town, who managed to strike hard at her heart. Perhaps she just wanted to hear it from someone who never delved into her world. Or perhaps she needed from someone who was tasked to give forgiveness. "Who are you, Father, really? How do you get your… belief so strong and never wavered? You know how messed up the world is yet you never stop believing. Seriously, who are you?" _

_The Reverend laughed, not for mocking, but mostly a surprised one. She had asked the same questions before and where it was used to be laced with suspicions, now─ if he didn't know any better─ it was spoken with sincerity, amusement, and a slight of admiration. "Well my dear, I'm just a man who serves his entire life for his God but right now," he stood up, "I'm just someone who needs to get out of your way."_

"_I never think of that."_

"_No, but you wouldn't start praying if I'm around. Take your time, Elaine. I'll be in the back if you need me."_

_She watched as the Reverend disappeared through the back door, as he said, before turning her gaze back to the altar. He was wrong─ the silence were a bit too much. She could even hear herself thinking loudly, especially on how ridiculous she looked right now. Her hand kept switching their position─ first they were on her lap and then changed to her side or to someplace else. Elaine glanced again at the back door─ he wouldn't know if she just left right away. There was no security camera nor was it possible that he could hear her voice from that door. And he couldn't hold it against her if she bolted out of here without goodbyes. _

"_Um… I… I don't know how they usually start this," she finally said after a moment of hesitance, ignoring the itch on her legs to just run away. "I don't even believe in you. The world is messed up and you don't even do anything. Demons are everywhere and you don't even stop them." Elaine paused; her eyes clenched shut in pain, "but… I suppose it wouldn't hurt to try. If you really do exist, if there is actually a God, please… please save Dean. Don't let him suffer in Hell, please. He doesn't deserve it. All his life he spent it to help other people. He was only in Hell because he wanted to save his younger brother, the only family he has left." Tears escaped her eyes as she bowed, "I beg you, please. Take him to Heaven or anything, just… not in Hell."_

* * *

For the first time since her first visit, Elaine slipped inside the church quietly with her demon blade appeared on her grip. She glanced behind to Andy who stayed on guard in the entrance, armed with salt gun and every other weapon they could think of. As usual the church was all empty─ something that she should be suspicious of in the first place. One time she decided to crash in Sunday morning prayer out of whim, just to see if the Reverend was as insufferable as he did with her alone, only to find that it was, again, empty. His excuse that time was that she came _way_ after the prayer was finished. Elaine couldn't believe how gullible she was towards him. Then again he passed every test she gave him, _even_ the holy water. He was clearly not a demon and she had no proof to be wary of him.

She should have known something was off with him. The way he spoke so highly of God and His angels, yet he was aware of how crippled this world had become─ first with monsters kept popping out and now demons army was released into Earth, clearly was not normal. First she thought he was just an ignorant Reverend or a demented one perhaps and sometimes it was nice to talk to someone who had no part with supernatural world. But now that Dean somehow returned to life as he insisted he would be, there was something more behind his placid face. He couldn't be just a human. No. No human could have that foreknowledge without paying something.

And she would make sure nothing he did get to Dean. Not this time.

"Father?" she called out cautiously, "are you there?" Her grip on the blade tightened as she walked around the benches towards the confession room.

There was no answer.

Elaine walked slowly while making sure she didn't create unnecessary noises, but this time towards his part of cubicle. Her free hand rose up, ready to shed the dark red curtain away when a familiar voice stopped her. "Elaine, what a surprise." She turned around to find the Reverend walking towards her through the back door where his office was located, blissfully ignorant on how tense she was. "Two consecutive visits?" He glanced towards the entrance to find a stranger staring back at him menacingly, "with a friend even!" He said, quite astonished, "I didn't know you are so concerned with my well-being." But then he noticed the drawn blade on her hand and stopped. "Something wrong, Elaine?"

"Who are you?" she demanded completed with glowering glare.

The Reverend frowned, "I don't understand…" his voice trailed off as he took a step back to avoid the tip of her blade dangerously pointed towards to his jugular vein. He was half convinced that this woman in front of him was not Elaine. The Elaine he knew wouldn't barge in with a drawn weapon towards him. The Reverend glanced suspiciously at the man standing on the entrance─ would that man has anything to do with her changed behavior?

"Yesterday you told me that an angel could save a human soul from Hell, literal or not," she said, still refusing to let him out of her blade range, and motioned towards the new mosaic window that caught her interest yesterday. "And earlier I just found out somehow Dean is alive again. Completely healthy aside from a hand _mark_ on his shoulder."

"Ah." For someone who had a blade pointed at him, the Reverend seemed very calm─ too eerily calm for her taste. "Isn't that wonderful news? I thought you would jump in joy by now."

This time she grabbed the front of his robe and shoved him against the wall roughly. The demon blade pressed against his throat, drawing tiny blood from the pressure, and served to get her point across. "There is something you're not telling me, _Father,_ and I will appreciate it if you answer it straightforward." Her voice was low and dangerous, heavily laced with a promise of pure terror if he chose to ignore her threat.

To her annoyance, his expression remained unfazed, not even showing a flinch when his back hit the wall rather forcefully. "Was it so hard to believe that miracle does happen?" He asked calmly, still training his calculating gaze towards her. The way he spoke was as if this was the way they normally conversed. "You asked for a proof, Elaine, and it is given to you by his return. What more do you need? What more do you ask?" He paused, noticing how the pressure on his throat was gradually lessened. "Dean Winchester is alive now, safe and sound from Hell. Isn't that what you desperately want these past months, Elaine? Isn't that enough?"

The Reverend, in a way, was actually right. She had spent these four months desperately finding a way to save Dean, even offering her soul in exchange for his. Now Dean was breathing again, completely unscathed, just like she desired. She should be content. But then her mind wandered to that new mark and demons that were crowding Pontiac on the same day Dean returned back to life and she knew that she couldn't just let this matter slide away. The hunter side of her─ the one who witnessed firsthand the secret behind what normal people called 'miracle' ─ _refused_ to just accept it and move on. "No." Elaine pushed the blade back to his throat. "I'm not going to just let it be. Tell me everything. Now. Did you make a deal with a demon? Are you working with Lilith?"

Her last question managed to cause him showed a slight disgust. "My dear Elaine, how could you ever think a faithful servant to God like me willingly work with a demon? The first demon of all things?" he asked, quite ghastly and affronted.

"I don't know, Father, _you_ tell me."

Not far away from them, Andy was tensed from the moment that Reverend came out of the back door. He had heard of the Reverend and how he 'offered' her a comforting talk and how it eased her mind every time she came to visit. Obviously she refused to let them come with her, even went off radar on the first few weeks, until Liz cornered her to tell them where she had been disappeared to. The other hunters had commented how Elaine Corbett had gone insane after what happened with Dean, especially with her talks about Lilith the first demon cooking up a huge plan yet no one ever saw her. Andy of course buffed their argument heatedly and even went on gun point with some of them. Elaine was not crazy or anything. She was depressed after his death, yes, but she hardly showed it to just anyone. If any, in front of the others, she seemed to revert back to her younger version─ cold, heartless, and cunning hunter.

Though now he inclined to believe the other hunters. Either that or the panic attacks had done more damage than they thought. That Reverend was barely older than him and he hardly seem to understand what a real hardship felt like. How on earth could he comfort her in ways that neither he or Liz or even Bobby Singer could achieve? He watched in shock as Elaine slammed the Reverend into the wall and pressed her blade against his throat. Earlier when Elaine told him to stay on guard in the entrance and drew a devil's trap earlier, he thought she just did that to keep him away from eavesdropping. When he picked her up yesterday, he saw her arsenal was complete on her trunk and she carried only her demon blade inside. Whatever happened in Bobby's house must shook her deeply and somehow this Reverend had a connection to it.

But when the Reverend spoke again and Elaine lowered her blade instantly, Andy decided he didn't want to wait by the entrance anymore. There was only one topic that could make Elaine hesitated like that and if that Reverend, whoever he really was, was trying to get out of whatever trouble he was in by manipulating her with it, he would damn make sure Elaine wouldn't fall for it. How could she start moving on if almost every day someone would come up and remind her of it?

"…I really don't understand why you are this skeptical about Dean's return, Elaine? Maybe God heard your prayers and decide to fulfill it. Your struggle has been paid off. Why do you always have to look for explanation? You should be full of joy right now, reunite with him, and celebrate his return."

The shotgun almost fell down from his hand when he heard it. Dean? Dean Winchester? He was alive? That was not possible. That guy was dead for _four_ freaking months. Andy glanced towards his friend─ did she have anything to do with it? How? He was there when she confronted the crossroads demon and knew that he didn't let her trade place with Winchester. But the way she reacted after she bolted out of Bobby's house, he highly doubted Elaine had any idea about it. Andy glanced at the Reverend again. He didn't understand why Elaine chose to interrogate him rather than hunting down her demon contact. Did she really think this deranged priest could have a hand on Dean's situation? This man was sprouting out nonsense about God, faith, and prayers!

Seriously, how could Elaine able to stay around this man for more than a minute?

"Because in _my _world, Father, when someone is back to life means someone else is trading their life for his," she hissed, "and believe me when I said, no one can trade theirs with Dean's."

His frustrated expression softened, "yes," he said gently, "of course I know that, but that doesn't mean it has to be demons' doing. Open your eyes, Elaine. There are always two sides in everything." The Reverend glanced at the man standing not far from them, down to shotgun on his hand, before turning his gaze back to Elaine, "do you still have the blade I gave you?"

"Yes," she narrowed her eyes in suspicion, "why?"

"Good. Don't lose it. You might need it one day."

Everything happened so fast that it hadn't even registered in his mind when it was all over. He saw the Reverend touched her forehead lightly and Elaine was out of cold at once. Andy barely started to lift his shotgun when that man was gone, completely vanished into thin air, leaving no proof of his previous existence in the building. It took him quite a while before he realized that Elaine was not waking up. He immediately ran towards her and bent down on her chest. A sigh of relief escaped him knowing that she was still breathing. "Come on, Elaine, wake up! Elaine!" his voice grew louder with worry as he slapped her cheek lightly. He never saw someone could knock out anyone just with one light touch and had no idea what kind of effect appeared in the victim.

Andy nearly toppled down in relief when Elaine finally came around, groaning as her eyes slowly opened. "Andy? What─" her eyes widened when she realized someone is missing. "Where is he?" she demanded, sitting up immediately.

"He just disappeared after knocking you out. Who the hell is he, El?!"

"What do you mean he disappeared?! Did you just let him go?"

He rolled his eyes, "do you think I'm a dumbass? He completely vanished into thin air. How am I suppose to catch him? I don't even have a chance to react when he's gone." When she was trying to stand up, he immediately grabbed her hand to steady her. "Be careful. I have no idea if you'll get an after effect or not."

"I'm fine," Elaine snapped, freeing her arm away from his grasp. She glared at their surrounding as if the empty benches were at fault for letting the Reverend, if he really was one, left just like that. "Call your brother in FBI. Get his face plastered around in every corner of this city. I want him found, Andy. Dead or Alive."

"Yeah, yeah, I will. But I don't get it, El. Why does he keep saying Dean Winchester is alive?"

Clearly she didn't expect that question coming out from him. Were they talking so loudly that he could hear it from the entrance? Glancing at her partner's look promised her that he wouldn't let this matter go easily. It wasn't supposed to be a secret after all. Steve and Rod would probably run into Dean and Bobby anytime soon and after that, there was no stopping the news. "Yeah. He… he's alive. I saw him earlier in Bobby's."

To her surprise, Andy didn't really react as badly as she thought. He just stared at her thoughtfully, "and you think this… priest or whatever he is, he knows something about it?"

Elaine shrugged her shoulder, "he is the only who believes Dean can still be saved. I─" she sighed, "I don't─ I never thought he might not be a human, you know. I just… I just want to believe in something. _Anything_. So I can have something to look forward to. For him. What if─ what if they brought him to life because of me? Andy, what if I condemn Dean into something worse?" she asked, looking so miserably that Andy couldn't have a heart to agree with the last one. Even if he was also thinking the same thing. Nothing he had seen smelt good for him.

"Come on," he said quietly, "let's get back home."

She took a deep breath before nodding and followed him towards the entrance. "Wait," Elaine said suddenly, her eyes narrowed to something in front of them, "give me the shotgun."

Andy gave it to her, confused as to why she needed it. He watched as she trained the gun towards one of the mosaic windows in front of them. His eyes widened and his mouth gaped when she shot three times and completely destroyed that mosaic. "What the─" Regardless how angry she was to the Reverend, he really didn't understand why she only destroyed that and not the others.

"I hate that thing," she muttered, stalking out of the church, and spared no glance behind. She was done with this building. That man hardly would return to this church again. If what Andy said was true, he could be in anywhere on this planet by now.

* * *

Dean Winchester was really pissed off right now. He should be out celebrating his own resurrection, now that he was finally free from Hell, and not blindly hunting for the person who was responsible for rescuing his soul. First he thought that Sam was the suspect with him being so near to his grave at the day he was back to life, but his little outburst made Dean admitted he was wrong to think so low of his brother. Sam should know better than making another stupid deal with demon, thus creating the endless cycle over and over again. Since they had no leads how to find this person─ thing─ whatever it is, he had no choice but to follow Bobby's plan to visit a psychic friend of his. Pamela was her name and his mysterious rescuer─ that bastard burnt her eyeballs without even being in the same room. If that wasn't a huge sign there was something wrong or vile going on behind his resurrection, he had no idea how else to think of. There was no way someone with that kind of power saved him out of the goodness of its heart.

Even the demons Sam followed to Pontiac had no idea who could break through Hell's defense and grabbed him just like that. At least he knew that the demons were just as spooked as him. Whoever that person was─ Castiel, was it─ he was either a big bad ass demon or something else that was way more powerful than these demons. Not to mention the high pitched sound that seemed to follow him around. First was on the fill up joint few hours after he dug himself out of his own grave. Then it happened again right before Pamela's eyes burnt out. And when he heard it again in the motel room that night, Dean knew these were more than just a coincidence. And he was ready to bet all his money that it was Castiel's doing.

Which left him no choice other than a showdown with this creature.

Yes, he knew it was a dumb move. He didn't know what this Castiel was or the extent of his power, but he was not going to let that high pitched ringing followed him around and destroyed every room he was in, including his ear drums. How could he even hunt if that thing kept happening to him? Whoever that Castiel was, he clearly wanted him. It was better to arm himself and summon this thing rather than being caught off guard later. So he and Bobby stocked up every weapon he had, including the demon knife that served them well last year, and had Bobby to draw up every single traps and talisman he knew from every faith on the earth. Basically they should have everything they needed to defense themselves from anything they heard of.

But clearly they didn't include angels into their calculation. Nor did they take into account that angel was impervious against those weapons and traps they prepared. They shot him multiple times and he didn't even blink. Dean stabbed him with the demon knife and he didn't even flinch─ merely looked down to the knife and took it out with a little smug smirk. And that bastard easily knocked Bobby out with just a light touch on his temple. Then this angel Castiel─ if he really was one─ had the audacity to declare that it was God who wanted him to be saved from Hell and that they had work for him. God─ as in the mighty one who was supposed to create everything and wanted you to believe him because he said so. Yeah, that one. The very same one who let the chaos unleashed in His world and didn't do anything about that. And that angel Castiel or whatever expected him to just agree and move on? Dean scoffed, as if he would believe that crap. No.

He didn't believe then before all shits going down on him and he wasn't going to believe now just because someone claimed to be an angel and saved him from Hell _literally_. But right now, at least until Bobby finished researching for this angel crap thing, he had one last thing to figure out. This time he was not going to let it get away that easy.

Bobby was right. His problem with Elaine shouldn't eat him alive─ no, they shouldn't even have any problem to begin with. If one of them had to concede so they could talk, _really_talk, then so be it. This one he could fix. Besides, it's El─ so she was a little freaked out finding out that he was alive. Big deal. He would freak out as well if he was in her position. Hell, he would shoot himself first out of instinct. There was nothing she could do that surprised him at this point.

* * *

He was wrong.

The two story house Dean was currently standing in front of was not where he imagined her to live. It was too peaceful, quiet, and homey. That was not the Elaine Corbett he knew. Elaine, in his memory, always preferred the comfort of metropolitan city's noise. She always loved staying in the highest floor she could get since it gave her a sense of ruling the world beneath her. She was certainly _not_ the suburban type. Then again the Elaine he remembered would not knock him out after finding out that he was alive and coldly leave them behind to go after his brother who might or might not deal with a demon to bring him back. She also wouldn't just leave his brother alone, not after all the things she said about Sam might unable to cope living alone or demons might playing a soul trade card with Sam. No, this Elaine left his brother's safety to two grunts, who were too late realizing that Sam had another visitors coming in. What if it was demons instead? Sam could be in great trouble and those two idiots couldn't help him in time.

He glanced down at the paper Bobby wrote her new address in along with the spare key she gave for safe keeping. Grudgingly he slid the key into the lock and frowned when it fit and opened the door for him. He had hoped Bobby was pulling a joke on him but apparently he was wrong. The house inside was quiet, completely dark and barren from any sound, just like a normal suburb house in midnight. Even with his eyes squinted, he still couldn't find a sign that Elaine or even a hunter was living here. Dean carefully started to close the door but froze when beeping noises were loudly heard throughout the house. "Damn it," he quietly cursed, seeing a home alarm control panel next to the door. Clearly Bobby forgot to include the code to disable the alarm.

How stunned he was when the annoying noise suddenly died down. He was about to heave out a relieved sigh when the light was suddenly on.

"Move and you're dead."

Dean slowly turned around, raising his hand in surrender, and found himself held at gun points by two people. He didn't recognize both of them but he knew hunter when he saw one. Judging by their shocked expression, they knew him and hadn't gotten a memo about his resurrection. Great. "Whoa guys, relax. I'm just here to see Elaine, okay? Bobby Singer told me where to find her. He gave me his key." He said carefully, slightly jingling the key on his left hand.

"Maybe you took it away from him when you killed him, demon." The female hunter hissed, causing Dean to properly look at her. She looked familiar to him but he couldn't place from where. And she looked too pissed off to be a stranger. Did he sleep with her or something?

"I'm not a demon okay?" Dean rolled his eyes. How many times already did he have to say that in defense? It was not his fault that someone decided to single him out and drag him out of Hell alone. "What? You didn't get a memo or something?" Then he raised his voice, calling her out, "El? You there? Elaine!"

Which apparently pissed off the female hunter more. "Don't you dare call her name like that!"

Dean was about to retort back at her when he heard her voice calling out his name. "Finally! Have you─" he stopped when he noticed her coming into the foyer, only clad in a short, pink chemise, showing off her long legs, with her hair slightly tousled. Seeing her like this suddenly reminded him of the time he usually sneaked into her apartment in Seattle to surprise her only to run into her things in the dark and caused a lot of noise, waking her up immediately. A goofy grin appeared on his face as he let his eyes wandered from her legs up to her face, appreciating the sight he hardly seen for almost three years, until another figure coming out from the corner. This time, it was a man, dressed in navy pajama bottom, and the way he easefully positioned himself close to Elaine didn't escape Dean's notice. And he didn't like it. He didn't know who that man was and he definitely didn't like the smug look he received.

"You shouldn't come out here without proper weapon," the still strikingly familiar female hunter chided.

"It's okay, Liz. He's real and clean. Lower your gun." She glanced to the other hunter, "both of you." The other hunter seemed to believe her and lowered his gun, even though reluctantly. Elaine then turned her gaze to her female friend who still had her gun locked and loaded at Dean. "Liz…" she said warningly.

But Liz still refused to budge. "A human can't escape Hell just like that, El," she snapped back, "and he's dead for four months already. Don't you think he should look like a zombie?" Her protest fell into deaf ear when Elaine walked past her, grabbed his hand, and pulled him away from the door without words. Dean was about to complain when he saw Liz lowering down her weapon, although her face showed how reluctant she was. "So he could go pass the Devil's Trap," Dean was not surprised to know there was a Devil's Trap under the rug he was standing on earlier. "Big deal. He could be some higher end demon."

"Lilith couldn't even break out of the Devil's Trap I have for her. What makes you think the others could do that?" Elaine countered, causing others to fidget on their feet nervously, remembering how she came to know this information. Liz winched at her friend's comment and reluctantly moved away from their intruder. Seeing the lack of hesitance from Elaine when staring at Dean, she sighed and jerked her head towards the room she jumped out earlier, signaling the others to leave Elaine and their guest alone. Dean threw a smug look towards every hunter, especially to the shirtless one who had to wait for another nod from Elaine before he agreed to leave.

He followed her inside the house, finding more and more proofs that Elaine had completely changed, as she led him to another corner and into the pantry. Even the layout and the furniture were different than what Elaine would have preferred. She never liked mahogany and dark colored furniture. It made everything looked gloomy and old, she once said, but now there he was in a house belonged to her with mahogany furniture and wood flooring instead of rug covered floor and white marble tiles. Dean watched as she opened the fridge and took out a bottle of beer before throwing it at him. "So. I'm dead for four months and now you got minions following you around, eh?"

He was met with another cold stare. "Why are you here, Dean?"

"It's an angel," he said, not missing how stiffened she was when he said the word 'angel'. "The one who saved me from Hell? It's a frigging angel called Castiel. You know about it?"

"Don't be ridiculous," she scoffed, "we both know angel doesn't exist."

"Well this one just declares himself as one." Dean watched Elaine closely─ that brief reaction he saw from her was already gone, but it was there. No matter how much Elaine had changed, he knew nothing spooked her if it weren't something big and she knew about it already.

Her eyes flickered around him dubiously. "Where is he then? If this so called angel really saved you from Hell, shouldn't he follow you around like a guardian angel?"

Dean shrugged his shoulder. "No idea. The bastard's gone." Then he saw she raised her eyebrow at him, "what?"

"So you're wasting few hours on the road to come here and tell me news about someone who's not even with you when you can just call me instead and be done in few minutes." She sighed, massaging her temple, "why are you really here, Dean?"

There! He wasn't wrong when he thought how much Elaine had changed. She was never this distant and cold to him, nor did she ever brush away his problem like it was just a mundane task. Not even once did she prefer for him not to visit her even when they were fighting. Ha! And Bobby said to just give her a _space_, until she could adjust to him being actually alive, before pounding her in. What good would it be if she had already changed drastically? Leaving her alone would only make it worse. "I'm out of the pit and you don't even give one kiss?"

She only intensified her glare at him.

"C'mon," he grinned, drawing her in, and rested his hand loosely on her waist. Lavender and jasmine scent she always carried around was a pleasant welcome after all those muds, dirt, and rotting wood from his coffin that wouldn't come off even after thorough scrubbing. Every time he held her, he always felt like she was a fragile thing─ that his rough, big hand would easily crush her, even though he knew she was far from that. And that feeling still hadn't changed at all. With her body pressed to his by his grip on her waist, Dean knew he only needed to tilt her chin up and he could kiss her. And at that point, he realized just how much he missed _this _and how stupid he was for being stubborn last year_. _How long had it been since he had her in arms? "What you say? For old time sake," he murmured, leaning in for a kiss.

Only to have a loud slap delivered right to his cheek.

"Ow, what the hell is wrong with you?!" Dean jumped away from her, his hand rubbing at his red cheek, glaring at her.

"For old time sake?" she repeated, her voice was higher on every word she said, "_You_ chained me in my own bathroom, Dean! Or did your deluded brain decide to forget that?" Dean winched, remembering that particular memory she mentioned. "I tried to help you, your sorry excuse of an ass, to save you from Hell," she continued her screaming, leaving him no opening to cut in, "and you _freakin' _chained me! What the hell was that, Dean?!"

"Oh c'mon, I thought you tried to kill me!" he protested, refusing to let them sit on this matter too long. All he wanted was for them to move on and forget that part─ _he_ wanted to bury that dark past of his. He wanted to start fresh, no nightmare in Hell and no guilt for leaving everyone struggled with their grief for him. Besides, anyone would draw the same conclusion if someone coming to them with a knife raised and a Reaper following them around, he would bet.

"Kill you?! Why would I want to kill you when you're going to die in the next day!? You are so unbelievable!" she snapped, "I spend last year─ a whole freaking year─ finding a way to cheat on your deal even with you kept shoving me away. I _beg_ you to save yourself and you fucking chained me in my bathroom! You don't trust me and now you want a kiss for that? Fuck off!"

"You're not exactly innocent in here!" Before he could control it, his short temper rose, reacting towards hers. "If you weren't that chummy with the demons─"

"─I did what I have to do to survive. Will you stop thinking this world in black and white?" she cut him.

"Oh so leaving Sam alone like that, letting him hunt down Lilith by himself is you not thinking this world in black and white? You know what I think, El?" Dean bent down, his voice went down dangerously, "I think this is what you want from the first time, from before that gate opened. I think you're in on it with Lilith." By the time the last word escaped his mouth, Dean already regretted it. He had gone too far and her hurt expression supported that thought. Elaine might feel comfortable working with demons, but she knew her boundary. She would never agree to worldwide destruction. But before he could summon his mind to form string of apologies, Elaine slapped him again, her glare remained intact.

"How dare you," her voice slightly quivered, "God, I wish you still rot in Hell right now!"

* * *

It was hard not to listen to the conversation in the pantry, especially with their voice rising higher every time they spoke. Even when he was 'hiding' in their meeting room on the other side of the house, polishing his gun while reading one of the books they got about angels─ though he had no idea why Elaine was suddenly interested in angel, Andy could still hear their heated argument. Liz, who followed him inside and demanded to know how did Dean was alive again, kept rolling her eyes and grumbling every few minutes about how stubborn those two idiots were. He had to agree with her. For someone who almost went mad from grieving for his death, Elaine surely showed the world how grateful and happy she was to find Dean Winchester alive. If any, the frown line on her face and dark circle under her eyes had never been more visible since yesterday.

Then it went all quiet before few moments later they could hear their front door was slammed shut loudly. Andy raised his eyebrows at Liz who immediately went out from their hiding corner and to the pantry to check on their friend─ if she was still there. He had half thought that Dean Winchester might just kidnap Elaine out of impulse.

But Elaine was still there, her head bowing down and one of her hand gripped the edge of their dark granite counter-top. There was broken beer bottle near her but the other furniture remained untouched. So Dean was the one who left the house and─ Andy exchanged worried look with Liz─ he probably left with their argument went unfinished. And there was no indication he would return back in time when they heard roaring machine from his car gradually decreased in time. It was Liz who made the first move towards their friend, carefully avoiding the glass shards on the floor, "El?" she hesitantly asked, "is everything alright?"

When Elaine finally looked up, her eyes were red and brimmed with tears. "No. No, it's not."

* * *

_Sigh, this is what you get when you have two stubborn people as a couple. None of them would back down and admit their mistake. No meeting with Castiel yet, sorry guys! They will meet probably in chapter five (I hope?). Thanks for reading and please leave a review. I would very much appreciate it and it really motivates me to keep writing! :)_


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